Developing your Painspotting skills can be a bit of a hit and miss affair, which is why we have provided you with the top ten tips.

These are not just any old crap quickly cobbled together over a pint, oh no, these are based upon decades of experience and will help to accelerate your learning in the same way that Neo was able to do so in the Matrix. The only difference here is that we don't require you to sit on a dilapidated dentist's chair and we won't be shoving a skewer in the back of your skull. Applied with care, these will allow you to move a step closer to realising your dream.

1. Be willing to immerse yourself into the world of Painspotting. One of the best ways to learn something new is to give it a go; Just Do It as Nike would say. Sure you can spend your life reading the Pains books (which is of course important), but there is nothing like spotting Pains firsthand; and you will never forget the rush you get when you spot your first Pain - it's truly life changing
2. When Painspotting always avoid direct eye contact with your quarry, this will ensure you a) don't get beaten up, b) won't be considered a pervert, or c) get arrested
3. Wear clothing that allows you to blend in with your surroundings. This will allow you to get up-close and personal with the Pain you are observing. So if you are intending to Painspot in an investment bank, best wear some red braces and some expensive looking shoes (not brown though, as everyone will think that you are a civil servant who has lost their way). If Painspotting on a nudist beach, hide a pencil in your butt-cheeks and remember to pack some latex gloves
4. Cover your Painspotting book, notepad or flipchart pad with an innocuous looking cover, or better still with the dustcover from a Shakespearean play. In that way, no one will suspect you are Painspotting and just assume that you are incredibly boring. Better still, cover it with something associated with accounting, as then you will, like all accountants, be totally ignored
5. Always use a soft pencil with a rubber on the end. This will allow you to change your mind if you need to and rub out anything which might be considered incriminating
6. Keep your handbooks on your person at all times. Unless you happen to have a photographic memory, it is unlikely that you will be able to recall every Pain you see. Easy access to the handbooks will ensure you never miss an opportunity
7. Carry a pair of powerful binoculars to facilitate long-distance Painspotting. Ideal for train journeys and when visiting sites of historic interest such as Stonehenge, you will be able to enjoy Painspotting whilst giving the impression that you are genuinely interested in something on the horizon. Just remember not to look into the sun though, as you will burn your retinas out and end your Painspotting career in an instant!
8. Consider deploying night vision goggles when Painspotting under the cover of darkness. This will help you spot nocturnal Pains such as The Dogger, Public Polluter and Petty Thief 
9. Never reveal your Painspotting hobby to anyone else, as you never know whether or not they will take offence. The best thing to do is to develop a special sign to signify that you are a Painspotter so that you can communicate with your fellow experts without the threat of being uncovered. If you happen to know a Mason, maybe you could tap them for a few ideas
10. Persevere. Ultimately, if you really want to become an expert Painspotter you have to keep at it in the same way that tap-dancers do. Overtime you will master the art of Painspotting and perhaps after three or four years become what is known in Painspotting circles as an Uber-Spotter.