After a particularly difficult day at the office, Andrew was enduring his usual commute home in an overcrowded train full of painful people. Although deeply sensitive to the bad behaviours he encountered on the train, he was always a model commuter and kept his head in a newspaper trying not to make eye contact with anyone at all.  

However, on this occasion, even Andrew's mild temperament was tested to its limits. On a seat on the other side of the carriage was, what could only be classed as a tosser. He was on his mobile phone - not the usual rubbish like "I'm on the train", or "I'm on the 17:05; will see you later", or "Put my bloody dinner in the oven now you old cow, I'll be home in ten!" Oh no; this was special. The guy was clearly beside himself having had a letter, article or perhaps even his obituary printed in that evening's Evening Standard. Not satisfied with ringing up his mum, dad, brothers, sisters and local councillor, he was literally going through his entire address book telling anyone who would pick up the phone about his new found fame. This went on, and on, and on. And then, like a bolt of lighting (no doubt from God), Andrew decided that something had to be done.

Being a law abiding citizen, he decided that physical violence was out of the question, so he put pen to paper (after all, the pen is mightier than the sword). After a brief exchange with his editor at Capstone, the Painspotting had begun.

And although Plato got there first, the Dark Ages had prevented the Painspotting tradition from being passed down through the generations. Andrew had rekindled the art of Painspotting and a veritable Renaissance had begun. Since writing the first three books in 2003 and 2004, there was a bit of a gap whilst a) publishers decided to print shite like the banal life stories of empty-headed celebrities and tomes about prepubescent wizard boys, and b) Andrew had to earn some cash. Even though publishers still like to churn out the celeb stuff, Andrew has been allowed to indulge once more in his finger-pointing-blame game and hopes to continue to do so for at least another 85 years, or until he goes blind. Joined by his erstwhile illustrator, Dan (a still water running deep kind of guy and the yin to Andrew's yang), the world of Painspotting has a secure and long-term future - and that's without any government bailout (although we damn well deserve it).

The journey continues... 

The Books

Lovingly prepared, the Painspotting Collection, published by Capstone, is brought to you in an exclusive, boutique environment from Amazon here

You can choose to complete your collection all at once, or in stages and all proceeds will be used to fund vitally important research into Painspotting and establishing the Painspotting Institute in Geneva. And to give you a reason (as if you needed it), here is a brief summary of what each book offers you.

Pains on Trains

Tired of long train journeys with nothing to do but to stare at the guy sitting opposite you picking his nose, or looking endlessly out of the window at the featureless landscape? Then look no further. Pains on Trains will transform your journey into a fun packed day out and you won’t even mind if you have to mortgage the house to buy the ticket.

Pains in the Office