In the late 19th Century scientists of the day pooh-poohed the notion, first postulated by Plato in 340 BC that Man was by his very nature highly sensitive to pain in the arse people. They believed that it was a learned behaviour that was developed down the coal mines of the North East of England and in the dormitories of Eton College and was not therefore part of Man’s genetic make-up.
However, all that changed in 1940 on the western edges of the Massif Central and the northern slopes of the Pyrenees when Palaeolithic caves were discovered which contained some remarkable images. Apart from the usual old toss like cavemen spearing what looked liked Bison, there were one or two sketches showing cavemen beating the living daylights out of pompous looking hirsute proto men and women sporting oversized animal skins. But what really caught the archaeologist’s eye was what looked like a list of annoying looking cavemen and women which had huge red ticks next to them. After another fifteen years of meticulous research, Nobel Prize winning scientists determined that the ticks related to an early form of singling out members of the group who were supremely annoying. It was clear from this truly groundbreaking discovery that Plato was right all along and that ever since Man dragged himself from the primordial soup, he has been a natural and committed Painspotter.
This has been further reinforced by the Human Genome Project which has isolated the Painspotting gene which is now believed to be present in the majority of the population. This discovery is changing the way historians now view the past and eminent researchers, academics and authors from around the world have begun to rewrite the history books. It seems that many historical events have nothing to do with the geopolitics of the day and everything to do with the annoying habits of the human race. For example:
·         The Peasants Revolt of 1381 was not really a protest about the Poll Tax; it was about Wat Tyler’s psychotic hatred of the toffee-nosed tax evaders of the time (and of course the heavy handed bastard tax collectors) ·         Genghis Khan was not obsessed about building a global empire, but just wanted to stop all the goddam foreign tourists despoiling the fields and meadows of his beloved Mongolia ·         Anne Boleyn didn’t lose her head because she was shagging other people, it was because she criticised Henry VIII who she considered a bit of fashion victim (which she disliked intensely)
·         The much maligned Guido Fawkes was not actually that bothered about destroying the newly installed protestant monarchy, but just didn’t like the way James I would blank him when walking down the streets of Westminster (which Guido termed The Blanker at the time in his notebook) ·         Oliver Cromwell only decided to drag the country into civil war because he really, really disliked the Gravy Train Politicians of the 1640s ·         It was sheer coincidence that Gavrilo Princip killed Franz Ferdinand – he was sick and tired of people prancing about Sarajevo with feathers in their hats and vowed to kill the next person he saw sporting such a ridiculous item.

So the next time someone asks why you hate so many people you can just tell them that Painspotting is in your genes before lecturing them on the origins of this fine pastime.